Sick to death of the word millennium? Be the first in your crowd to switch to the little used synonym, chiliad, (pronounced kill-ee-ad) as in, “all this crass chiliastic hype is getting to me,” or “technically, this chiliad doesn’t end until 2001.” That’s chiliad with one l. The second most overused word of the year was virtually unheard of before 1999. The term Y2K was actually coined more than five years ago, according to Slate magazine. In fact, Slate identifies the exact moment of its creation: an email sent on Monday, June 12, 1995, at 11:31 p.m. The inventor was not some high-strung teen-age computer geek as some of us might assume, but a distinguished looking 52-year-old computer consultant from Massachusetts. As Y2K’s creator David Eddy told Slate, “People were calling it Year 2000, CDC [Century Date Change], Faddle [Faulty Date Logic]. There were other contenders. [Y2K] just came off my fingertips.” See the Slate article, which offers an exhaustive exegesis of the term. According to the physics magazine CERN Courier, in order to launch Cassini-Huygens space vehicle on its seven-year journey to Saturn, NASA had to perform a slingshot maneuver last August that caused the Earth’s orbit to slow by about one-millionth of one-millionth of a second. As a consequence, there will a corresponding delay in the arrival of the new year. Reset your atomic clocks accordingly. Amid the spangled Y2K tee-shirts and other millennium novelties, two creations have distinguished themselves as the very best examples of shameless marketing and worthless gimmickry:
The Cheap and Cheesy Award: The Friskies® Millennium Memories Scrapbook, “Complete with colorful growth charts, special sections for important milestones, and dedicated space for tracking visits to the veterinarian.” The scrapbook is free with just six UPCs (bar codes) from any Friskies dry, canned, or treat cat or dog food product plus $1.99 for shipping and handling. Don’t kid yourselves, cat lovers. It is the rare cat who will deign to recognize the millennium—few are slaves to the Gregorian calendar. A Fool and His or Her Money Award: The $10 Million Millennium Bra by Victoria’s Secret is made up of 3,024 diamonds and sapphires. Diamonds that spell out “2000” adorn the left strap, in case you were wondering what was millennial about it besides the price. A matching string bikini is thrown in for free and an armored car will deliver it in time for the big night. If you wake up the next morning hung over and bankrupt, don’t even think of bringing it back—a Victoria’s Secret spokesperson explains that it is “not returnable because it’s custom made.”
